Besides Sex & Salvation
a marriage manual for the Christian single


Introduction


In the introduction, we establish the importance of preparing for marriage ahead of time. We do this by comparing marriage to driving a car. Both require training, experience and discernment just to survive, much less enjoy the endeavor. In fact, a driver’s license may be obtained ONLY after demonstrating comprehension of the essential rules of the road and command of requisite driving skills. In contrast, however, a marriage license is a simple contract (like a car title) and obtained without any education or experience at all. When you begin to look at marriage in this light, it becomes stunningly clear why so many marriages wind up in the ditch scarcely before they leave the dealer’s lot.

We also share a little bit of our own family backgrounds, showing how the marital tragedy of one set of parents and the surprising success of the other fueled our passion for preparing singles for the awesome calling of marriage.

Part 1:
What’s So Awesome About Marriage? Understanding The Call


Chapter 1: How Do Two Become One?
The answer is three; namely a third entity that bonds the two together. Of course, that third entity is supposed to be God, but many people (even Christians) look to almost anything else to hold their marriage together. In this chapter we address the reasons why that is and we highlight the importance of building your trust in God before moving forward in the trust-relationship of marriage.

Chapter 2: Setting The Right Expectations
Setting the wrong expectations can kill your marriage before it begins, but the right expectations can set your marriage up for tremendous success. What are the RIGHT expectations for marriage? Well, they’re not his expectations and they’re not her expectations. They’re God’s expectations.

In this chapter, we reveal the three expectations God has for us in all of our relationships; three principles that have revolutionized our own relationships with family, friends, strangers, our children… and especially each other.


Chapter 3: What’s Marriage Suppose To Look Like?
Most people come from home environments they want to improve upon and even those who idolize their parents often don’t have the foggiest idea what made their parent’s marriage successful. Some enter marriage with very defined marital rolls. Others just think it’s all going to work out in the end.

In this chapter, we try to take some of the mystery out of what makes a marriage work. We highlight the beauty of the equally valuable and entirely unique needs and rolls of husband and wife. We don’t try to defend a specific family model, but instead uphold clearly defined Biblical truths.

Part 2:
What Do You Do Now?
Preparing For The Call

Chapter 4: How Do You forgive?
Forgiveness – it’s the single most important relational skill for any long-term relationship. If you can’t forgive your spouse – or if you can’t ask for forgiveness – you won’t enjoy marriage... not unless your spouse is perfect.

In this chapter we present five Biblical realities that can help you forgive those who have hurt you in the past… and prepare you for a marital relationship characterized by the spirit of reconciliation.

Chapter 5: I’m OK. You’re obnoxious.
Baptist or Catholic? Republican or Democrat? Classical or country? Male or female? Why are we so different from one another? Is it God’s design or a result of the fall? In this chapter, we take a look at Gods’ creation, His church, His heaven and even his very nature to figure out what to make of the diversity that divides us,. We show how learning to accept the peculiarities of those in your life right now can prepare you to accept the uniqueness of your future mate.

Chapter 6: What Drives The Sex Drive?
You’ve heard God designed sex only for marriage… and that’s well and good, but that leaves Christian singles believing that if they can just make it to the marriage bed all their sexual frustrations will end and their fantasies will be fulfilled. Unfortunately, sex turns out more complicated than anticipated and extra-marital temptation winds up every bit the demon that pre-marital temptation once was. Why is that?!?

In this chapter, we tell you what you probably never heard in sex-ed – that your sex drive is driven by something far more powerful than raging hormones and the pursuit of pleasure. And you’ll find that understanding these hidden motives is essential to getting a handle on your sexuality… whether you’re trying to exercise self-control in singleness or after the marriage bed is yours.

Chapter 7: Where’s The Fire?
Life isn’t easy… single or married, but there’s a difference between going through crises and living in a state of crisis. And though crises are lonely when you’re single, they’re a whole lot more complicated when you’re married. That’s why singleness is an ideal time to learn what roll passion, perspective, priorities and planning play in empowering you to live the life God intended for you and your future marriage.

Chapter 8: Find “That Special Someone”
Before you find the love of your life, you really should seek out another “special someone.” In this chapter we encourage you to first find an accountability partner or mentor before you find your spouse.

Dynamic relationships with other believers of the same sex give you the opportunity to develop healthy vulnerability; teaching you more about yourself and God. You’re going to want to know both really well before you get married. And even after marriage, you will benefit immensely from the strength and wisdom you can draw from intimate Godly friends. We encourage you to make those friends now… before you take on the calling of marriage.

Part 3:
Desperation, Desire or Divine?
Discerning The Call

Chapter 9: What Does God’s Voice Sound Like?
A thought pops into your head – did it come from God, yourself or your TV dinner? Every believer wants to know God’s will as they contemplate marriage, but many Christians are in doubt about discerning God’s will about anything.

In this chapter we illuminate how to confidently discern God’s will through His word, his church, prayer and circumstances… and we underline the importance of using all four means of discernment before moving forward with life-altering decisions like marriage.

Chapter 10: The Significance of Spiritual Compatibility
Since King Solomon (and even before), wise, blessed, followers of God have had earthly lovers turn their hearts far away from their first love. And spiritual compatibility is far more than just finding a fellow believer.

Forget what someone says they are. Find out who they really are by learning to discern what they believe and treasure and where they ultimately derive their perspective and strength.

Chapter 11: Are They “The One?”
If only this question really could be answered in one chapter of one book. Still, we introduce a critical shift in perspective when it comes to discerning God’s will in marriage (or any other endeavor). Bottom line: seeking God’s will isn’t enough, because it’s not ultimately God’s will to give you His will. He has something infinitely greater to give you and we talk about that in this chapter. In the end, the question, “Are they ‘The One,’” becomes a less important query with a more obvious answer.

Chapter 12: When To Say When
Once you find the person of your dreams, when do you get married – immediately lest you “burn,” or do you wait for better weather in the Spring, or until you finish school, get your career established or get out of debt?

Using these concerns as a backdrop, we look at time itself and learn to view it as God’s gift to us; the context he created for us to experience Him, grow in Him… and wait… on… Him. This perspective can make waiting for a wedding date a faith-building and wisdom-enriching experience.

TOP10 Marriage Tips For Singles


We wrap things up with 10 action points to prepare for a successful marriage… before you fall in love. In this final chapter, we encourage readers to prayerfully consider getting to work on just one of them right away.